Dad, My Friend

Many people may say my family is weird, even out of this world – and maybe they’re right. I do think my family is pretty unique. However, I would describe us as a blend of unorthodox and special worlds. While my parents are from China, my mother grew up in the United States and was shaped by Western values in family and education. Meanwhile, my father upholds his Asian values and teachings. However, over the years both of my parents have taken parts of each other’s parenting styles and created a blend of Eastern discipline with Western freedom, it turned out to be an approach that’s proven to be incredibly successful in raising us.

My father, in particular, is my biggest supporter, in life, school, and sports. My mom always said that my dad was a slightly selfish person at heart, not willing to go out of his way to help others. Despite this, she says that my father loves my brother and me more than anything else in the world and that he becomes the most selfless person when it comes to us.

My dad has always been strong in personally teaching my brother and me. Each strict lesson and high expectation was never just about academics; it was about instilling values that would serve me for life. From as early as the second grade, he has been tutoring me in maths, even taking me to the Math Olympiads in China. Weekends would normally be spent with mornings of Math and afternoons of Chinese. As a kid, I used to dread these weekends. Not only did I find these tutoring sessions slightly tedious, but I was also afraid of my father's disapproval, especially when I made a mistake or had written something wrong. Although he may not have shown it through obvious acts of love, I knew that he always wanted the best for us and that his intentions were good.

My father was much taller and bigger than me when I was a child. I always looked up to him like a superhero, or sometimes, a supervillain. This, combined with the tedious and grueling math and Chinese sessions I had to endure every weekend, made me slowly begin to fear my father. Every time the word “dad” was spoken, something to do with studying always followed. Recently my father retired from his job and took on the full-time role of drilling and educating me to become the best student I could be. At the beginning of his retirement, my attitude towards his behavior was the same as in my younger years, afraid and dreadful when he called me into his room to learn maths. I felt that I was being micromanaged, suffocated, and never given any freedom. Although I loved my father, that didn’t mean that I liked him all the time. 

However, as I entered grade 9, I finally saw past the stern face and strict demands, I truly saw how everything he had done for me made the beginning of a new chapter in school so much smoother, whether it was managing my time effectively or being able to adapt to harder courses. Moreover, I began to enjoy our one-on-one sessions, knowing that it would benefit me to walk into those sessions with curiosity and open-mindedness rather than dread. The “micromanaging” and strict scheduling also turned out to be helpful, they aided in me creating good habits of self-organization and time management, allowing me to get my priorities straight in school and excel in classes. The foundations and skills that my father helped me lay down were so strong that as the school year went by he also began to trust in me, letting go and allowing me to be in control of myself. That didn’t mean he let me run wild and free, but it felt empowering to my own decisions and to know that my father was supporting me. Simultaneously, our relationship also began to strengthen, and we even started to develop a friendship, where not only were we father and son, but also close friends, equals in a way.

I feel that this letting go could also have been partially thanks to my mother’s Western values as well. Both of my parents helped each other learn to balance between being present and supportive, rather than overdoing it. I feel that’s what is so great and unique about our family, that my parents have grown and developed as caregivers as I have grown up. Now, my father gives me my own space to develop, instilling accountability and dedication towards myself and my goals. I’m truly so grateful for what my father has done for so many reasons.

For one, my father grew up in a family where his parents didn’t have the resources or expertise to support him in his school life. He went away to boarding school in the 6th grade and never had much support academically or socially in his life. Despite his circumstances, he still was extremely dedicated and had an amazing work ethic. This led him to succeed in school and pursue a better life for himself and his family. I think one reason my father has always been so dedicated to tutoring and mentoring my brother and Imeis because he wants us to be unconditionally supported and feel like the world was our oyster, which was something he never experienced. 

Moreover, I know a lot of my friends with fathers who work overseas, and they only get to see each other once or twice a year. When I was younger I thought that they were so lucky, with all the freedom they had to themselves. But now, especially after COVID, when my dad was still working and had to spend months on end in China, I’ve come to appreciate all the time I could spend with my father. I’m lucky to have a close relationship with my father and can see him every day, unlike some of my friends who begin to lose touch with their fathers and miss out on opportunities to bond and learn from them. I am grateful that my father gives me endless opportunities and supports me in taking risks. I am grateful for his companionship and the privilege of seeing him every day. I am grateful for his unconditional and unique love towards me that has shaped me into the young man that I am today. While my peers may long for the time to fly before they are freed from their parent’s care, I want to treasure every moment with mine, knowing that after I go off to college, most of the time I will spend with them is behind me. I am truly appreciative of all the opportunities, sacrifices, and support both my parents have given and made for me. 

This is dedicated to my father, who is not only the best mentor, but also a great friend. He has pushed me to become the person I am today, and I hope to continue learning from him, passing on his teachings and the memories of our friendship to my future children.