Privilege: Control it, don't let it control you

By: Anonymous

From young, our parents have taught us never to abuse our privilege. Growing up in a first-world country, we’ve been presented with the best that ‘nature and nurture’ have to offer, which usually results in two to three different character types:the entitled, the aware, and the afraid.

The aware are aware, but don’t let it affect their day-to-day decisions. Their lifestyle choices are affected to a minimum degree. On the other end of the spectrum, the most entitled splurge on useless, materialistic things, truly believing they’re owed the world. This leaves the majority, a group of ‘rich kids’ scared of the privilege they were born into, and especially terrified of using it to their advantage. And what for? For fear they will be judged by friends, foes, or even complete strangers.

I think this terror originates, in part, from films. Ridiculously entitled brats are staples in high-school TV dramas. Because they’re in a similar age category, they’re very relatable. Producers villainize these brats, often representing them as cruel bullies whose favourite pastime is putting down others. At the same time, they enjoy a life full of uncurbed extravaganzas, whatever they want only a million-dollar paycheck away. In an attempt to avoid fitting into this stereotype, well-off teenagers today have swung to the other extreme, skimping on money for fear they’ll be perceived as Hollywood’s classic spoiled teen. It makes it difficult to convert that privilege into something truly good.

Our school sees this on a daily basis. Students constantly compare who can buy the “cheapest,” most “affordable” product when, really, everyone knows that money is not a problem for the majority of households—off-handed, insensitive comments like “I’m broke,” or, “my parents can’t afford it” may be true in some cases, but why make it a competition? We go to one of the most expensive international schools in Singapore. More often than not, our students have the resources to purchase just about anything they want. Yet the past couple of years have seen this toxic culture increasingly worsen, an unspoken taboo just itching to be acknowledged.

Perhaps I’m misreading this. Maybe people really have become more conscious of the value of money. I still see other examples supporting this fear of privilege that I just feel doesn’t make sense though. For one, people who are taken to school by parents or drivers are looked down upon, while kids who have gone to prestigious, ivy league summer programs are whispered about behind their backs.

The absolute worst I’ve witnessed is where people guilt-trip you into making a decision against something you were genuinely excited about out of jealousy. A pricey extracurricular school trip missed because of peer pressure, or a prestigious summer internship dropped because “none of my friends can afford it, so why should I?” This ‘gaslighting’ can even extend to something as simple as a personal daily routine. For a community that preaches extensively on inclusivity, it’s ironic that we often find ourselves on the other side of the spectrum, whether we are willing to admit it or not.

To be fair, it’s hard to mitigate the proliferation of these toxic microaggressions because teenagers are inherently insecure. These little fires everywhere are proof that at the end of the day, everyone is fighting blindly for a “championship” they don’t even know the entails of. The big question is, how do we get comfortable enough in our own skin that we can focus on more important things? So that people don't keep getting isolated? So that people don’t keep getting hurt? How do we effectively grow up quicker?

Before I continue, I want to clarify that my views are based on personal experiences, and in no way, shape or form am I trying to undermine the value of money or speak for everyone in our community. Over the years I’ve seen this type of behaviour’s repeated destructive consequences on a number of friendship groups, and it’s clear to me that privilege is a definitively sensitive topic. To me, it’s very important that we understand and appreciate it. What I don’t think is necessary, however, is this silent rivalry emerging amongst students. It slowly creates unhealthy divides, polarisation, and the breeding of inferiority, hatred, guilt, and jealousy.

My final message is that being born into privilege is not something to be ashamed of. We should take advantage of its benefits by making the most out of what we’ve been provided with. There’s no reason to put down someone because they’ve been born into circumstances out of their control. Instead, do something that IS in your control: use that summer program to your advantage and go to the top university in the land—learn from the best and develop a cure for cancer! Use the internship experience your family connections got you to improve working standards in your future corporate career! We don’t judge people for not having money, so why judge those who do? This is the time in our lives to reject petty insecurity, while also remaining steadfastly resilient to the values we hold dear. The best way to appreciate the resources we’ve been blessed with is to exhaust them fully! After all, the only way you won’t make a difference is if you do nothing. There’s nothing to lose by using what’s at your disposal. In short, be smart and be aware, but don’t be afraid.